Fake it to make it.

How to make an Italian/American restaurant in Asia:

Step one; actually call it an “Italian” restaurant.

Notice how “Italian Restaurant” label is RIGHT at the tippy top. This is done to distract from the actual name of the restaurant, “Saizeriya”. A quick look at the name brings some suspicion. But heck I’m no linguist expert, it could be legit.

This was my first mistake. (It’s a Japanese restaurant cooking Italian cuisine in Singapore, it’s like the UN on a plate.)

Step two; have Italian themed decorations.

Apparently when Italian cuisine is mentioned all that comes to mind is tomato sauce and angel hair pasta. Who knew?

There was also this annoying looped cheesy classical music playing, you know the one from every mafia-esque movie ever made.

Step three; have Italian words everywhere on the “Grand Menu”.

Oh you were established in 1967, you have such deep roots in Italian history. I remember reading that Leonardo da Vinci used to go to the original Saizeriya for lunch every Tuesday.

Step four; the food.

I guess to anyone who had never been to an actual Italian restaurant, thus you had never seen Italian cooking; you might be fooled by this:

Let me just point out some mistakes.

Egg? Nope not on any Italian dish.

Steak fries? Three whole fries?!? No way.

Protein? Is that bacon I see? Why yes, all Italian dishes actually feature bacon.

Vegetable? Corn. Because that’s where all Italian dishes get their extra special fiber-y taste from.

And how is this all cooked? VERY, very liberally in oil. Basically deep fried in grease.

Mmm, tastes like heart failure.

Singapore Public Announcement Thursdays – Round 2!

I hope you all enjoyed last week’s posting and found it amusing. (If not then hopefully you thought it was educational, maybe?) Anyways here is this week’s addition!

This is a sign you can find in pretty much all major MRT stations. It depicts a little girl (Let’s call her Sally.) pointing out that she is too tall to ride the MRT for free.

What I think is weird is that the girl is the one pointing this out. I’m used to the, “You must be this tall to ride xxxxx” that can be found in all of America’s theme parks. And having been a volunteer at a local county fair for more than half my life I know for a fact that no one, and I mean no one, be them parents or children, has voluntarily pointed out being over a height limit (Or age limit) if it would cost them more money. You normally have to trick them somehow, like ask them their birthday or how tall they are (When people are put on the spot, odds are they will slip up).

Here in Singapore I could absolutely see a young Sally about to go through a ticket stall but then turning to her mom and saying, “Mummy, I’m above 0.9m tall. I need a ticket to get in.”

And yes in my mind that child has a very British accent when she speaks.